IRELAND  16/ 03/ 12




INVISIBLE


I use to be surround people. I use to teach Spanish and that gave me the opportunity to meet lots of new people that became friends. when ever I start getting really bad I had to give up all that( my all life). I didn't want to see anybody, I didn't want anybody to see me like that. Everything annoyed me, absolutly everything. I didn't know why if I liked all my friends, and I loved my family I didn't want to spend any time with them at all, or see them or talk to them and if I did I was always in bad mood. I was tired, so tired. I was really bad and always afterwards I was sorry for the way that I had answer or the way I had feel or many other things, but I couldn't explane anyone what was wrong because I didn't know myself. I stop going to parties, going out, getting dressed, getting up...I just wanted to be alone (die) because I did't want to hurt any one nor myself.


Last year was the worse time in my 29 years. I trided everything,(medication) I was analyzing myself all the time, (paranoid) I was like a Monster. The frustration mixed with the pain with the anger and with the medicines made me like that, a real Monster (I normally use other word, but I have to behave on the blog). I don't want to give the impression that I excuse myself on the medication but it really hurted me.(almost  killed me). When I came to Ireland my doctor was fantastic, He was listening. (no Doctors did it before) A week after I was here my mum gave me the phone num and the email of my old Doctor back in Spain to call because the Doctor wanted to check how I was (back in Spain few months before this this same Doctor that  was thinking that i was not well on the head because they thought I was making everything up). I wrote a letter , and email, I ment to call many times but I couldn't. The way that they treated me was (embarrassing) bad. When ever I had the strengh to call and I explaine that I had just beeing diagnosed (the second day that I was here) with Endometriosis and that all the medication that they gave me had damaged my kidney (medication that I didn't need)   was crying on the phone to me asking me for forgiveness, but it was too late, How was I going to heal my kidney with forgiveness? How was I going to get back the time and all the things (and people) that I have lost in thouse years? I did it. I have done it. I have forgiven every one, the Doctors included. Now I m the one that is looking for forgiveness.

Have any you ever asked yourself what would you do if one day you were fine (with a beautiful promesing future) and the next day, you were diagnosed with a chronic illness that for more fortuneless is not curable, it is not well studied and no one belive you?